What on earth are Repeat Police?

I’m tickled to kick off the first Writing Talk Tuesday of the New Year with another great post from Jeanne Marie Leach, and, from the title, this one might be fun. So sit back and find out what this is all about.



REPEAT POLICE, By: Jeanne Marie Leach

One of my pet peeves as an editor is repetition. I once mentored another Colorado writer who had trouble in this area. Every other page had a repetition infraction, and since she was a friend, I soon simply gave her this comment, “Repeat police! Repeat police.”

There are many ways repetition can find its way into a book.

One is by using the same noun repeatedly in the same sentence or paragraph.

• · George jumped into his red sports car and turned on the engine. He backed the car out of the driveway and then sped down the street in the car. He enjoyed the many stares he got from guys who envied him for his car, and from the chicks who dug guys with cool cars.

You saw the word, didn’t you? And it became glaringly annoying.

Another form of repetition is when the writer wants to drive home a certain point and says the same thing, only using different words. In the following example, only one of the sentences is necessary and the other can be eliminated.

• · Jane had never in her life met a man she admired as much as Tim. For the first time ever, she’d found a man whom she could look up to in Tim.

The next repeat offense that bothers me is when authors repeat words for effect. It’s especially maddening when I find more than one of these on the same page. It even irked me to have to write this example for you.

• · Jane crept down the long hallway—the hallway her mother had stepped into just moments before. Where had she gone? Perhaps she’d gone into her room—the room where a century ago a woman had been murdered—murdered by her own step-father.

This really does nothing to heighten the tension and is unnecessary to the story. The author would achieve the same effect with shorter sentences that get to the point. Here’s the same paragraph rewritten to create more tension.

• · Jane crept down the long hallway. Where had mother gone? To her room? Until then the fact that someone had been murdered by their own step-father a century ago in her mother’s room meant nothing to her.

The only time repetition is useful is when used for a special effect. I’ll never forget the scene in the movie 310 to Yuma when Ben Wade and his band of outlaws were in the bar after committing a big stage robbery in which a couple of their men had died. Ben lifts his glass and gives this “eulogy” about one of his men who’d made a huge mistake that caused other good men to die.

• · “Tommy was weak. Tommy was stupid. Tommy is dead.”

This type of repetition drives home a point much better than if he’d said, “Tommy was weak and stupid, and now he’s dead because of it.

Remember to cut repetition whenever possible, but leave it alone if it enhances the scene.

I hope you get what I’m saying here in this blog. Do you get the point of this blog—the blog that I hope gives you something to think about? My main goal of writing this blog is to help you recognize repetition in your own writing. Be on the lookout for repetition and you’ll stave off the Repeat Police.

 I get it, Jeanne, I get it!

 



Jeanne Marie Leach is a multi-published author and freelance editor specializing in fiction and teaches courses on editing fiction. She is coordinator of The Christian PEN, a member of the Christian Editor Network, and member #46 of The American Christian Fiction Writers, where she received the 2012 Member Service Award. She teaches 32 weeks per year to editors on how to edit fiction and continually keeps abreast of current market trends and hones her knowledge of fiction writing and editing through classes and conferences.

 

What about you, writers…Are you guilty of alerting the Repeat Police?

And you readers…have you found mistakes like these in books you’ve read?

Do join this conversation…

Sensory Science-Final-Part 4: SENSE OF TIME, w/Jeanne Marie Leach-Writing Talk Tuesday

USING SENSORY SCIENCE FOR DEEPER DESCRIPTIONS

© 2015 By Jeanne Marie Leach

The dictionary defines the “senses” as any of the faculties involving sight, hearing, smell, taste, or touch, by which humans perceive stimuli originating from outside or inside the body. These five senses are the ones everyone learns about in school, and writer’s groups remind you to be sure to utilize them all.

However, in the scientific world there is no solid consensus among neurologists regarding the actual number of senses because of differing definitions of what actually composes a sense. Humans are considered to have at least six additional senses that include:

• · Balance and acceleration


• · Temperature differences


• · Muscle and joint motion


• · Pain


• · Sense of time


• · Direction

After researching these further, I’ve come to the conclusion that these extra “senses” are a valuable part of descriptions used in fiction stories, so as a fiction author, keep these in mind. Most of them are usually mentioned naturally as the need arises in a story, but a couple of them could easily be overlooked. Using these senses will definitely enhance the word pictures you create and will deepen the characters.

This week, I am focusing on the sense of time.

Sense of Time

One field of study within psychology and neuroscience is time perception, which relates to the sense of time. The sense of time differs from the other senses in that time cannot be exactly apparent. Humans can perceive short periods of time, as well as durations that are a significant portion of their lifetime. Many experiments have noted the relationship between perceived and measured time.

Although psychologists often agree that time appears to go faster with age. One day to an eleven-year-old would be approximately 1/4,000 of their life, while one day to a 55-year-old would be approximately 1/20,000 of their life. This is perhaps why a day would appear much longer to a young child than to an adult.

It is important to note this in our writing. Most of us have written about a moment in time that felt like hours had passed, when it was only a minute. Keep in mind that this particular sense occurs more and for longer periods of time the older the character becomes. Younger people would tend to experience these moments in real time. These people think it is unnecessary to make plans.

Another illusion of time can best be illustrated by two people each taking a journey that takes an equal amount of time. The person who covers more distance will appear to take longer than the journey covering less distance, even though they took an equal amount of time.

Some researchers attempt to categorize people by how they differ in their perception of time.

People with a present perspective of time have a tendency to believe that the actions in the present do not significantly affect the future. They don’t think an action taking place in the present will affect the probability of a future outcome.

People with a future perspective tend to believe that an action taken place in the present increases the probability of a future outcome. These people are very goal-oriented, with a high capacity to make conclusions about future results. They usually prepare task lists, use a calendar, and tend to wear a watch.

Time urgency refers to the need for a swift response or action to reach a particular goal. It can be described on an axis with a scale from high to low.

These two dimensions generate four types of personalities.

1. Organizers -- high time importance and future time perspective. High awareness of time. Illustrated by scheduling tasks and activities and striving for higher-than-average achievement.


2. Crammers -- high time urgency and present time perspective. Characterized by high awareness of time. Must wield control over deadlines. Very competitive, determined to achieve. Impatient.


3. Relators – Low time urgency and present time perspective. Not given to care about deadlines or passage of time or taking risks. Acts impulsively, focuses on present tasks and on relationships.


4. Visioners – Everything the same as relators, except they don’t focus on present tasks or relationships, but concentrate on future goals.

Writing application

I’ve already mentioned many ways you can apply the sense of time more effectively to your writing. When fleshing out our characters, be sure to include their time perspective. There will no doubt be a moment or many moments when their perception of time will be important to the story. Keeping the character true to themselves will create solid, three-dimensional characters.

Final note: This concludes the series that takes us beyond the five senses when writing our stories. By paying closer attention to these six “deep” senses, you’ll infuse better action and closer attention to details into your book.

 Thank you for this opportunity to unveil my latest discovery in the world of writing fiction.   Jeanne

 And we thank you, Jeanne, for sharing all this fascinating information with us.

Readers, if you missed the first three parts of this series, click on the links below:

• 
  
  Part 1: BALANCE and ACCELLERATION


• 
  
  Part 2: MUSCLE and JOINT MOVEMENT


• 
  
  Part 3: PAIN

About Jeanne:

Jeanne Marie Leach is a multi-published author and freelance editor specializing in fiction and teaches courses on editing fiction. She is coordinator of The Christian PEN, a member of the Christian Editor Network, and member #46 of The American Christian Fiction Writers, where she received the 2012 Member Service Award. She teaches 32 weeks per year to editors on how to edit fiction and continually keeps abreast of current market trends and hones her knowledge of fiction writing and editing through classes and conferences.

-->>> For a special treat, please come back again next Tuesday for a discussion about REPEAT POLICE. I, for one, can’t wait to see what that’s all about.

Don't forget to join the conversation!

TWEETABLE:

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Sensory Science Part 3: PAIN, w/Jeanne Marie Leach

USING SENSORY SCIENCE FOR DEEPER DESCRIPTIONS

© 2015 By Jeanne Marie Leach

The dictionary defines the “senses” as any of the faculties involving sight, hearing, smell, taste, or touch, by which humans perceive stimuli originating from outside or inside the body. These five senses are the ones everyone learns about in school, and writer’s groups remind you to be sure to utilize them all.

However, in the scientific world there is no solid consensus among neurologists regarding the actual number of senses because of differing definitions of what actually composes a sense. Humans are considered to have at least six additional senses that include:

• · Balance and acceleration


• · Temperature differences


• · Muscle and joint motion


• · Pain


• · Sense of time


• · Direction

After researching these further, I’ve come to the conclusion that these extra “senses” are a valuable part of descriptions used in fiction stories, so as a fiction author, keep these in mind. Most of them are usually mentioned naturally as the need arises in a story, but a couple of them could easily be overlooked. Using these senses will definitely enhance the word pictures you create and will deepen the characters.

This week, I am focusing on pain.

Pain

Physiological pain signals near-damage or damage to tissue. The three types of pain receptors are the skin, joints and bones, and body organs. Recent studies show that pain is registered in a specific area of the brain. The main function of pain is to warn us about dangers. For example, we avoid touching a sharp needle or hot object or extending an arm beyond a safe limit because it hurts, and thus is dangerous. Without pain we would do many dangerous things without realizing it.

Writing application:

We’re talking about the physiological pain, not emotional pain. Both are used in fiction writing, and until now, authors mostly described pain as being sharp or dull or constant or terrible, and innumerable other basics of pain. Imagine how deeper your descriptions will become when you mention the receptors in your description.

Example: Due to sticking her arm out the car window for two hours, the skin on her right arm inflamed and each nerve ending shot miniscule bullets to the reddened forearm. She cradled her forearm close to her, but it did nothing to assuage the pain. Why hadn’t Daren awoken her earlier? Didn’t he notice her arm burning in the sun? Now they’d have to make a stop to get some aloe cream . . . the sooner, the better.

Instead of having someone get a “sharp pain in their side,” have them pinpoint the exact area. I’ve experienced kidney stones, an inflamed appendix, and Irritable Bowel Syndrome. To this day, I can tell you exactly which one of these pains I’m having. By lying still and concentrating, I can pinpoint where inside of me the pain is coming from. I can tell if it’s high (kidneys) or low (bowels) or unusual (appendix). Not all of your fiction characters will be able to do this because they haven’t experienced these specific pains before. But they will be able to tell you if it’s deep inside them on the right side, whether it’s high or low, whether the pinpoint is radiating pain across the whole midsection, and many other specifics. These details will take you deeper into the POV character’s experience and will make it more real for the readers.



Jeanne Marie Leach is a multi-published author and freelance editor specializing in fiction and teaches courses on editing fiction. She is coordinator of The Christian PEN, a member of the Christian Editor Network, and member #46 of The American Christian Fiction Writers, where she received the 2012 Member Service Award. She teaches 32 weeks per year to editors on how to edit fiction and continually keeps abreast of current market trends and hones her knowledge of fiction writing and editing through classes and conferences.

 

If you missed the previous posts in this series by Jeanne:

Find Part 1 HERE

Find Part 2 HERE

Be sure to return next week for Part 4: Sense of Time, the final post in this series.

Sensory Science Part 2, Writing Talk Tuesday, with Jeanne Marie Leach

USING SENSORY SCIENCE FOR DEEPER DESCRIPTIONS

© 2015 By Jeanne Marie Leach

The dictionary defines the “senses” as any of the faculties involving sight, hearing, smell, taste, or touch, by which humans perceive stimuli originating from outside or inside the body. These five senses are the ones everyone learns about in school, and writer’s groups remind you to be sure to utilize them all.

However, in the scientific world there is no solid consensus among neurologists regarding the actual number of senses because of differing definitions of what actually composes a sense. Humans are considered to have at least six additional senses that include:

• Balance and acceleration


• Temperature differences


• Muscle and joint motion


• Pain


• Sense of time


• Direction

After researching these further, I’ve come to the conclusion that these extra “senses” are a valuable part of descriptions used in fiction stories, so as a fiction author, keep these in mind. Most of them are usually mentioned naturally as the need arises in a story, but a couple of them could easily be overlooked. Using these senses will definitely enhance the word pictures you create and will deepen the characters.

This week, I am focusing on muscle and joint motion and direction.

Kinesthetic sense (Muscle and joint movement)

Definition/Explanation:

The kinesthetic sense provides the sensation of movement or strain in muscles, tendons, and joints. This can be termed muscle sense and is the awareness of the position of one's body, including weight, muscle tension, and movement.

You use this sense in situations like closing your eyes and touch the tip of a finger to your nose. If your muscle sense is working properly, you won’t lose awareness of where your hand actually is, even though it is not being detected by any of the other senses. Muscle sense and touch are related in subtle ways, and their injury results in unexpected and deep shortages in perception and action.

Writing Application:

A large, upscale department store hires a woman and her team to dress their windows for the spring season. As the team works on staging light and airy scenes behind the windows, the owner of the firm requires help from one of her team, and a handsome, young man volunteers. With two step ladders facing each other, she climbs up one, and he goes up the other. While someone else hoists a large placard upward, the two on the ladders nudge it into place, their hands touching each other’s hand, and the woman becomes deeply aware of how close the man’s torso is to hers. She can “sense” his nearness, even though she’s focusing all her attention on the placard.

Direction

Directional awareness, most commonly noted in birds, is also found to a limited extent in humans. While bees and birds and animals like cattle possess a directional instinct with regard to the Earth’s magnetic field, man does not. Humans must rely on scientific findings in order to navigate their way in the world. While most people depend upon compasses and maps, there are occasionally people who can stand in a certain spot and instinctually “know” which way is north. Scientists disagree on whether this is a true scientific phenomenon or simply a fluke of nature, but they cannot deny the existence of this occurrence.

Writing application

When you create characters, you can determine whether they are one of the “unusual” people who have a keen sense of direction or if they must read a map in order to get out of a situation. Remember that reading maps, or noting the position of the sun or stars is a learned technique.

Example: You have a female protagonist from New York City who is on a first-time camping trip in the woods with her cousins. She needs to go to the bathroom, so she must walk a short distance before she can make sure nobody will see her. When she finishes, she walks back the way she came there, but somehow manages to miss the campsite. Not wanting to look stupid, she turns and keeps walking. Then she calls out for help, but nobody responds. What does she do?

You must determine if she has any survival skills. Does she know how to use the trees as a directional guide? Does she know how to tell direction using the sun? If she does know these things, then it must be written into the story somehow where she learned these tools. If she’s one of those unusual people who has a basic “knack” for finding her way, then that too must play into the story. You cannot just have her find her way through the woods without having established how she knows these things. Without this information, the story won’t be believable. A New York City gal who can find her own way back to her cousins just doesn’t sound right. . . unless. . .

Be sure to come back next week for Part 3: Pain!

If you missed Part 1: Balance and Acceleration, go HERE

About Jeanne:



Jeanne Marie Leach is a multi-published author and freelance editor specializing in fiction and teaches courses on editing fiction. She is coordinator of The Christian PEN, a member of the Christian Editor Network, and member #46 of The American Christian Fiction Writers, where she received the 2012 Member Service Award. She teaches 32 weeks per year to editors on how to edit fiction and continually keeps abreast of current market trends and hones her knowledge of fiction writing and editing through classes and conferences.

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Sensory Science Part 1, Writing Talk Tuesday, with Jeanne Marie Leach

USING SENSORY SCIENCE FOR DEEPER DESCRIPTIONS

© 2015 By Jeanne Marie Leach

The dictionary defines the “senses” as any of the faculties involving sight, hearing, smell, taste, or touch, by which humans perceive stimuli originating from outside or inside the body. These five senses are the ones everyone learns about in school, and writer’s groups remind you to be sure to utilize them all.

However, in the scientific world there is no solid consensus among neurologists regarding the actual number of senses because of differing definitions of what actually composes a sense. Humans are considered to have at least six additional senses that include:

• · Balance and acceleration


• · Temperature differences


• · Muscle and joint motion


• · Pain


• · Sense of time


• · Direction

After researching these further, I’ve come to the conclusion that these extra “senses” are a valuable part of descriptions used in fiction stories, so as a fiction author, keep these in mind. Most of them are usually mentioned naturally as the need arises in a story, but a couple of them could easily be overlooked. Using these senses will definitely enhance the word pictures you create and will deepen the characters.

I will focus on these “new” senses each week for the next four weeks.

Balance and acceleration

Definition/Explanation:

Balance or equilibrium is the sense which allows us to perceive body movement, direction, and acceleration, and to reach and maintain postural equilibrium and balance, gravitational force, head rotation, linear acceleration, and the direction of gravitational force.

Writing application:

There are times when balance and acceleration are both blatantly important to describe in your story, such as a skier going downhill. Without proper balance, this activity is impossible, so it is going to be a huge part of the imagery.

Then there are the more subtle times when these senses are used, and this is when good details will enhance your writing. For example: think about a person fleeing on foot from the police. They run around a city block. Everyone knows when a person has the momentum of running in a straight line, a sudden turn will throw off their balance. As a result, they will compensate for it by slowing down to make the turn, putting their arms out to maintain their balance, possibly stumbling, or grabbing hold of the building corner to keep themselves from falling over.

Just a quick mention of the sense of balance will take your description to a deeper level and give the reader a word picture that they’ll definitely “see” in their minds.

Be sure to come back next week for Part 2!

About Jeanne:

Jeanne Marie Leach is a multi-published author and freelance editor specializing in fiction and teaches courses on editing fiction. She is coordinator of The Christian PEN, a member of the Christian Editor Network, and member #46 of The American Christian Fiction Writers, where she received the 2012 Member Service Award. She teaches 32 weeks per year to editors on how to edit fiction and continually keeps abreast of current market trends and hones her knowledge of fiction writing and editing through classes and conferences.

 

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Writing Talk Tuesday with Jeanne Marie Leach

A Slip of the Tongue:

Using Malapropisms, Spoonerisms, and Hyperbole in Your Writing

By Jeanne Marie Leach

Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort.

---Franklin D. Roosevelt

Why is it that the simplest day-to-day speech mannerisms never find their way into our writing? Why do all characters tend to sound just like all other characters when they speak?

We are taught to give each of our characters something that differentiates each of them from the others. It’s easy to do that with their physical appearances, little habits and tics, but how do we do it in speech without them sounding the same as the characters from other books we’ve written or read?

Simple answer: give them some “normalcy” when they speak. You will create more believable characters if you use these familiar, yet forgotten slips of the tongue.

1. Malapropisms --- This is when the author misuses words or phrases ridiculously, especially by confusing words that sound similar. The word or phrase means something different from the word the writer intended to use. The result is usually nonsensical, but entertaining.

Shakespeare used malapropisms in several of his works. Just a few examples of this are:

• · "Our watch, sir, have indeed comprehended two auspicious persons." (i.e., apprehended, suspicious; Much Ado About Nothing, Act 3, Scene V)


• · "That is the very defect of the matter, sir." (i.e., effect; The Merchant of Venice Act 2, Scene II)


• · "I will tell her, sir, that you do protest, which, as I take it, is a gentlemanlike offer." (i.e., propose; Romeo and Juliet, Act 2, Scene IV)

One thing to remember about malapropisms in fiction writing is that they don’t belong in the narrative portion of the story, but characters can get away with saying most anything. If a character uses clichés or malapropisms because that’s a part of who she or he is, then it works. Don’t try to have every character in your book speak this way every time they open their mouth. But one particular character who does this fairly regularly would definitely add depth to who they are.

If a character is excited, frustrated, or fearful, a malapropism would help show this. I grew up in the 60’s and 70’s, and watched the Archie Bunker TV show regularly. His non-politically correct, bigoted attitude aside, he used malapropisms in some of the funniest ways.

The most recent well-known character who uses these little gems often is Uncle Si on Duck Dynasty. He uses a dozen of them per show, and it’s hilarious, yet endears us to this older gentleman. If you’ve never watched the show, I suggest you do. Just one 30-minute episode will give you a great example of how to use these little gems.

2. Spoonerisms – These are more commonly known as a “slip of the tongue.” This is when someone gets the first letter of a couple words mixed around. They usually happen unintentionally, but an author can intentionally have one of their characters make a spoonerism that would be most appropriate for the moment. They are obviously used in humorous situations.

Examples:

• · "Three cheers for our queer old dean!" (dear old queen)


• · "Is it kisstomary to cuss the bride?" (customary to kiss)


• · "Is the bean dizzy?" (dean busy)

Spoonerisms only work in dialogue, and could show up when a character gets overly excited, such as a heroine meeting the hero for the first time and he’s drop-dead gorgeous. Or if someone is caught in a lie. These add an element of fun to your story, but should be used sparingly. After all, we’ve all had this sort of slipup before, so why not give ‘em to our characters? It makes them more human, rather than cookie cutter.

3. Hyperbole – A hyperbole is an obvious and intentional exaggeration. While it may be used to create a strong impression, it is definitely not to be taken literally. Some examples are:

• · The bag weighed a ton.


• · She walked toward the front of the class as if her feet were made of lead.


• · He felt the weight of the world on his shoulders.


• · The tabby cat’s lion-like growl startled her.

Hyperbole can be used in narration as well as dialogue, but isn’t seen as much in adult fiction as it used to because we are taught to SHOW and not TELL. In our attempt to do so, we’ve forgotten to do that with hyperbole. The above examples are great ways to show and not tell.

Teenagers regularly use hyperbole in their casual speech, so you’ll see these in the young adult genres more than anywhere else. They say things like, “My dad is going to kill me when he finds out I got a dent in the car.” This is an obvious overstatement.

Have you noticed, though, that adults use these exaggerations too? Of course you have. I exaggerate all the time to get my point across. Why not develop a character who has this tendency? Perhaps it gets her or him into trouble.

I hope you can see how adding a few average, everyday mannerisms to your character’s speech can create more unique and interesting people your readers will love.

~♦~♦~

About Jeanne Marie Leach



Jeanne Marie Leach is a multi-published author and freelance editor specializing in fiction and teaches courses on editing fiction. She is coordinator of The Christian PEN, a member of the Christian Editor Network, and member #46 of The American Christian Fiction Writers, where she received the 2012 Member Service Award. She teaches 32 weeks per year to editors on how to edit fiction and continually keeps abreast of current market trends and hones her knowledge of fiction writing and editing through classes and conferences.

Visit Jeanne’s website and check out the editing services she offers: www.jeannemarieleach.com

~♦~♦~

Now, I have a challenge–a fun one, trust me––– in the comments section below, share some of the funniest slips of the tongue you’ve experienced yourself, or heard from others. If I get enough, I’ll post them in a separate blog next week. I have made MY share of them over the years, and I’ll share, too. C’mon, join the conversation…and the fun. Oh, and I’ll keep you anonymous if you request me to.

MARK YOUR CALENDARS! Jeanne will be back here on Writing Talk Tuesday in December. The dates are: December 1, 15, 22, and 29.

Thanks, Jeanne, for taking part in my new venture. I’ve ‘known’ you for a number of years and I’ve always respected your writing talent, sense of humor, and edititing acumen.

Here's a TWEETABLE for you:

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